|This is a Humour article. All will not be forgiven.|
"ITS TOASTED!!!" -Vinnie "The Sack" Macintyre during the 12 day, 16 Minute Oran War in 1970.
689 Supa Wave Series Offensive Toaster
The Macintyre 689 Supa Wave Toaster Oven, was a weapon attachment that was meant for the XP-96 Sparrow-Hawk Fighter made back during WWII. It was to be a "Bread Based, Offensive assault cannon". It fired 75mm APTP (Armor Peircing, Toasted Projectiles) Yet another desicion by the Lewd and Imperialistic Osean military Heirarchy and Vinnie Macintyre the owner and operator of Macintyre Appilances. After realizing that his Whimsy Patty Oven and the XP-96 Sparrow Hawk were selling very few, far and in between in addition to the fact that people were being killed in "Un-associated" Radiation Poisoning and Crashes due to the two devices. was apparent. He moved on to designing a weaponized version of his Model 688 Wave Oven a successful and simple range of Toaster Ovens. The 689 as it was designated was first protoyped in 1948 after brother Joey left the company.
After a drunken barfight with a local Estovakian Midget, Vinnie watched "Reefer Madness" and Dry Humped a couch and thats when it dawned on him. The 689 could be attached to his brothers XP-96 as an Aireal Weapon, Later that week he got to work on a mount that was nothing more than a hole in the cockpit and a couple drywall nails for the cannon, after that a young test pilot took to the skies in the XP-96 with the toaster mounted and attacked a Tank target, it worked devastatingly vaporizing The tank and leaving a 3 foot smoldering crater in the ground, The Osean military took note of this and ordered several prototypes. even one modified for ground use, which was considered a complete failure due to its tendancy to fire on its own from overheating. This overheating problem could not be solved as it required a backpack to be worn on the solider and highly toxic coolant was to be pumped through the weapon. Its aerial use was also severely limited as well. after the XP-96 was rejected and pulled from Osean service and another fighter was developed around the weapon, The Ramjet powered XFU-120A fighter was designed to carry the weapon into battle. "Its our best defense against communism!!!" said Macintyre. After 130 million dollars and several visits to a strip club later the project was scrapped in 1969. Outraged Macintyre and his former loyal employees closed up shop at Macintyre appliances and formed the Oran Revolutionary Front. With the XFU-120A fighter as their ultimate weapon.
The 12 Day, 16 Minute Oran War. 1970
The 12 Day, 16 minute Oran War began after the Oran Revloutionary front took over the West coast of Osea from a huge two car garage and the basement of Tony "Uncle" Willams house. After the inital vaporizing blows from the XFU-120 fighter, the Osean Air Forces best ace Kylie "KITTY" Gunther led air squadron 16 after the rebels. by day six the toaster cannon was delployed once more on top of Macintyres mansion where it shot several reconnisance pidgeons and old ladys in wheelchairs. A unit of F-5As were sent to bomb the house to shreds but the cannon shot them all down.
"ITS TOASTED!!!!" AHAHAHAAHAH! yelled Macintyre on top of his mansion while riding his slave Miki like a horse from which he fell down from and paralyzed himself. relegating him to a wheelchair. And so time passed and by the 11th day another assault was laucnhed an epic battle broke out in which KITTY shot down many planes, horses, and even a cargo canoe trying to leave the area. troops stormed the house in which Macintyre flew away from in his fighter with the cannon taped to it. Wasting hundreds of gallons of fuel KITTY went in pursuit while the Osean forces ate Krispy Kremes and smoked some. After landing on an island and eating the local ophans while kicking the local wildlife Macintyre met his end. not at the hands of KITTY but choking on 4 year old. KITTY fired her air to ground moles at the plane and destroyed it and the cannon, KITTY flew off itno the sunset while the Children bathed in radiation and flame. YAY Teh End...Or is it?
After the end of the war, Macintyre Appliance Co. became Mandrake Heavy Industries, and continued to manufacture their entire product line. The Macintyre 689 was used as the basis for a new project dubbed the MHI 689B, a larger version capable of carrying ten times as many slices of toast per shot and intended for mounting in aircraft (turning it into an aircraft-mounted, toast-slinging shotgun). A notable example of an aircraft with the MHI 689B is the F/A1L-18 Horndog, which first debuted during the USEA Teen Rebellion in the late 1990s.