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This is a Humour article. All will not be forgiven.


"Okay, missile fired at me, time to roll for evasion, -4 penalty for lock-on, -1 penalty for QAAM *roll* F---!  I rolled a 1!  Roll for ejection success, -4 penalty for aircraft damage *roll* F---!  ANOTHER 1!  FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-*dead*"

-The last words of Alberto Walbritches after being hit by Scabface One's QAAM


"Join the Rebels, they said.  You'll get laid, they said."

-One of Lounger's pilots (I'm not sure which one; probably all of them at one point or another)


Overview and Combat History

The USEA Ununified Art Troupe's 16th Air Force 4th Fighter Wing 3rd Squadron, callsign Lounger, was made up of a bunch of nerds from a Dungeons & Dragons club at a North Point Prep School who joined the rebel forces because they were told it would get them some ass. Well...unless one counted the sadistic Dominatrix in charge of "Cartoon Squadron", their chances were virtually nill, considering that they earned their callsign from being REALLY lazy, spending all of their time on the ground playing D&D and looking at Hentai on the internet.  They didn't get along well with members of the Beat Squadron either, but they seemed to have some degree of companionship with Arbitrary Squadron.

They only flew one combat mission in the entire Usean Continental Breakfast War, and true to their nature had to use dice to determine EVERYTHING (they even "rolled out" all the ones prior to the flight). Sure enough, their dice failed them when they came across Scabface Squadron (no thanks to Beat Squadron's "harmless" prank); all but one were killed; this survivor would go on to work for Mandrake Heavy Industries and went on to invent the Shoop-Da-Whoop LAZAR (and its portable version, the LOL) used in the Even Bigger Ozone War.

Known Members

  • Alberto Walbritches (Lounger 1)

Aircraft

  • Fatfighter-14 Fatcat

Notes

  • Walbritches isn't the flight lead's real surname: it's a nickname he earned after his roommates superglued the seat of his pants (while he was still wearing them no less) to the wall of their dorm back in prep school. He broke free but left the seat of his pants on the wall; too bad his roommates (later his wingmen) didn't have the heart to tell him before he left to go to class...
  • Unbeknownst to Lounger Squadron, Beat Squadron played a prank on them before their first, last and only mission ever by replacing their "rolled-out" dice with loaded ones that always landed on "1", inadvertently (they claim it was unintentional, but I don't believe them) causing the death of most of the pilots.
  • The pilots never did get that ass they were promised for enlisting.

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