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Eustace Kleinman

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"But, that's like, your opinion man."

-Eustace Kleinman a.k.a. Mellow 13 after being called a Fascist Pig by the Storytroller Boy


"Smoke Weed Everyday."

-Mellow Squadron's Motto

Profile

Eustace Kleinman was an Ace in the Great Baka War who was shot down (somehow.) by Cyfer in the second battle of B7R aka "The Upsidedown Table" during operation "BlunderBolt." It was after that defeat that Eustace started to remember about better times that was somehow in the future durring the Usean Continental Breakfast War of 2004 just before being blown to bits by a missile meant for Cyfer that was fired by the Sober Squadron. (Now that I think about it, they might have been the ones who shot down Eustace.)

Usean Continental Breakfast War of 2004

During the Usean Continental Breaksfast War of 2004 Eustace was the leader of the Mellow Squadron and was the top ace of Erustyian Air Farce. He was known for his anti-war speaches that he made durring missions, choosing to let most of his enemies escape and leaving once someone in his squadron took a hit. Somehow he ended up with former leader of the Cartoon Squadron, Cameltoe Almaz now know as Mellow 4, and they had a decent and mostly sexual relationship until the Insanely Stuipd Allied Forces' top ace Mobius None decided to kill Mellow 4 as he would state it "For the lulz." Eustace would later find out that Mellow 4's death would be due to someone replacing the jet fuel in Mellow 4's aircraft with her massive supply of lubricant. Later on Eustace would face Mobius None over Farbooty for one final battle. In the end though he would be defeated by Mobius None and the Usean Continental Breakfast War of 2004 would end with the Erustyain Military commiting mass suicide due to the fact as one soldier would put it "We ain't no ones bitch!" However, members of the FYEAF (F**k Yeah Erustyia Air Farce) would try to trick Mobius None by painting thier remaining aircraft with the Mellow Squadron's color scheme but due to the paint shortage of 95' this plan ended in failure and the Mobius Squadron was easily able to take down the remaing Mellow fighters and destroy MegaGif.

The Circumcised War and Afterwards

In another acid trip that Eustace had he was a mercenary pilot near the end of the Circumcised War with the mission of stoping the pilot known as Heartburn One from destroying the SOLG (Supremely Overated Laser Gun) control system but ended up being killed by Ablaze and was then attacked by the ghost of Alvin "The Chopper" Davenport. It was after that experience that Eustace decided to quit drugs altogether but as it turned out that decision was also part of his acid trip (It was really good acid, man) and he soon woke up in his bed, which was actually the remains of the bar he used to go to during the Continental Breakfast War of 2004, but somehow that was real, which doesn't make sense because that didn't happen and that was when Eustace realize he was in a drug induced version of Inception meaning he was in a drug trip within a drug trip and the only way for him to get out was to stop doing drugs in each one of his trips or else he would never get out. Long story short, he never did.

Instead, he founded the Universal War Hippies Organization (UWHO), which participated in the Corpalite War of the 2040s (why did they call it the Corpalite War?  Well they couldn't call it the Corporate S***storm - which described the conflict perfectly - in history books without pissing off all of the Moral Guardians, so they called it the Corpalite War).

Known Aircraft

  • Suck-37 "Turdcutter"

Notes

  • Kleinman, despite his military background, was...how do I put it?  A Hippy; his squadron name in the FYEAF reflected this quite well.
  • He was notorious for dropping acid before his flights, which somehow turned him from a lazy hippy into a deadly warrior of the air (basically, he became his non-f***ed-up counterpart).  This wore off whenever he landed for some reason.  This makes him potentially the most dangerous ace in the 52 Pickup continuity.
  • Apparently the fact listed above is because he has a split personality that happens to come to the fore from the effects of LSD
  • The cockpit of his plane always smelled of cannabis smoke.

Classified History

Apparently, Mellow 13 is one of only a few people that is "aware" of the fact that the timeline of their world was altered by Lorenz Reidl using the Time Machine (and in the process turned into a woman named Lorenz Ryedie).  However, whether he actually knows that the timeline has been disrupted to become this continuity or whether it was merely drug-induced hallucinations that just happened to be right can't be said for certain.

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